It is starting to occur to me just how much we all take life for granted. I have heard so many people say cherish it because you never know when it will be gone. While some people let those words pass them by I always considered myself to be someone who REALLY does stop and smell the roses. It wasn't until 6 days ago that i realized that while i might be stopping, smelling, and admiring...it was just for me. Taking the time to pause and notice was helping ME enjoy MY life. I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. I am simply realizing that while I may have taken time to stop and give thanks for the little things, I didn't take the time to share the experience with anyone else.
My husband walked out on us 6 days ago. In truth we needed to be away from each other. Our words and actions were becoming very destructive to each others hearts and feelings. He left and I became a wounded lamb. I didn't leave my bed for 5 days. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep....I was, simply put, surrounding myself in my own heartache, sorrow and self pity. On day five I was finally FORCED out of bed (and i do mean FORCED) by an unwanted angel that God knew I needed. Don't get me wrong, i am still to this very moment hurting more than anyone should be allowed to hurt and I still cry every day, BUT...by simply leaving the confines of the 5 day prison I had made for myself, I started noticing things. Most of these "things" were found in memories and random thoughts. Thoughts about stopping and smelling the roses of my own life.
In over four and a half years of marriage I never failed to notice when my husband would make little efforts. What i failed to do however was to share with him how those little efforts made me feel. I would say "Thank you" or "That was sweet" thinking that it was enough to make him feel honored. I was so wrong. It now occurs to me that things might have been even better had I shared the experience of how he had made me feel when he did these things. I used to laugh when he would say.."Ummmm...Can I get an atta boy?" after he had finished a project. I thought it was cute and i would enjoy the fact that he had made me smile. (My Roses) The self realization now is that he really did need that pat on the back and he probably needed to hear how happy he made me feel by finishing what ever he was doing. I needed to share my roses with him and I didn't. How is it that in all this time, I expected him to know what made me happy if I never expressed to him the happiness I felt in the little things he did.
I spent the better part of today staring at the Divorce papers I was served. The same thought kept running through my mind. Cherish it because one day it may be gone. Until 6 days ago I thought I was taking the time to appreciate my life. Today I realize that there was so much more that I missed. Things that I may have noticed but never took the extra time to share with my husband.
I am searching for renewed faith right now. I am trying so hard to pray unceasingly. Prayer seems to come harder for me these days but...I pray in hopes that God will give me a second chance to not only stop and smell the roses but also to scoop up a great big handful to take home to my husband so he can have a reason to smile and appreciate life too.
My husband walked out on us 6 days ago. In truth we needed to be away from each other. Our words and actions were becoming very destructive to each others hearts and feelings. He left and I became a wounded lamb. I didn't leave my bed for 5 days. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep....I was, simply put, surrounding myself in my own heartache, sorrow and self pity. On day five I was finally FORCED out of bed (and i do mean FORCED) by an unwanted angel that God knew I needed. Don't get me wrong, i am still to this very moment hurting more than anyone should be allowed to hurt and I still cry every day, BUT...by simply leaving the confines of the 5 day prison I had made for myself, I started noticing things. Most of these "things" were found in memories and random thoughts. Thoughts about stopping and smelling the roses of my own life.
In over four and a half years of marriage I never failed to notice when my husband would make little efforts. What i failed to do however was to share with him how those little efforts made me feel. I would say "Thank you" or "That was sweet" thinking that it was enough to make him feel honored. I was so wrong. It now occurs to me that things might have been even better had I shared the experience of how he had made me feel when he did these things. I used to laugh when he would say.."Ummmm...Can I get an atta boy?" after he had finished a project. I thought it was cute and i would enjoy the fact that he had made me smile. (My Roses) The self realization now is that he really did need that pat on the back and he probably needed to hear how happy he made me feel by finishing what ever he was doing. I needed to share my roses with him and I didn't. How is it that in all this time, I expected him to know what made me happy if I never expressed to him the happiness I felt in the little things he did.
I spent the better part of today staring at the Divorce papers I was served. The same thought kept running through my mind. Cherish it because one day it may be gone. Until 6 days ago I thought I was taking the time to appreciate my life. Today I realize that there was so much more that I missed. Things that I may have noticed but never took the extra time to share with my husband.
I am searching for renewed faith right now. I am trying so hard to pray unceasingly. Prayer seems to come harder for me these days but...I pray in hopes that God will give me a second chance to not only stop and smell the roses but also to scoop up a great big handful to take home to my husband so he can have a reason to smile and appreciate life too.
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